Life is just like fruit.

True life I'm a Mom. Days have come and they have gone. They've grown so tall. I've seemed to grow so small. The days move by more speedily. Time I thought that I'd one day have with them is also very gone. I've lost all the little giggles, hugs, smiles and late night "moms" while they jump in your bed after nightmares. I missed out. I fucking missed out while it broke my heart & theirs. I missed out because I was "too" busy grinding, hustling, hoping for the job that would give new the money to have those irreplaceable moments. Now. I'll never have them. I do have the moments where they say things you've taught them back to you. In their deep efforts just to try to help their MOM handle life. I do have the moments when they still hug you and kiss you on thes lips cause you are their mom. I do have MY BOYS. I have my boys because I've never stopped fighting, hustling, trying. I never stopped trying to be the strongest...

Sun sets upon the horizon beginning its diurnal dance, sensually caressing the oceans enticing curves. Endless waves kiss the shoreline. Just as love sometimes does, the ebb takes over whilst singing its apathetic aria of change. Ever shifting the balance of here and there. Near and far. Abstentions and intemperance. The kaleidoscope metamorphosis that gives birth to the balance between all pleasures and pains. Perpetually adjusting so as to give some equipoise to overwhelming precariousness. Vacillation of power and acquiescence. The sun exchanges places with the moon. Seasons give way to one another. Harmony. Serenity. Tranquility. The holy trinity. Exploration of deeply treasured divinity. As the ocean reaches for the sky, the sky reaches for the stars. Stretched from underneath all of my scars to see the forest for the trees. Seeing past the worlds duplicity. Greeting wisdoms lessons with veracity. Expanding an untamed elemental discerning gift of integrity. Beautiful wings bur...

         Supine in a grave of my design. Earth slowly covers me. Suffocation imminent. Willing myself to hold on and get up. Moving is impossible. Did I place myself here? Allowing this to be my eternal grave of perdition. Starting this was a place to hide, to run away from everything. Nothing could reach me. Especially not myself. Numbness only resides here. A bottomless void fades into an entirety. Not remembering when I stopped finding the line where numbness should end then self should begin. No savior can deliver me from the wasteland I have become. No rescue. No safety net. Everything around me became infectious then I became breathless. Feeling death encroaching welcoming it more over time. The arrival of the end, asphyxiation in all its fruition. A secret hidden place that slowly drifted into a disease. Pestilence sliding everything I've known into obliteration. Giving me no heartbeat. Termination. A grave dug by only me. This grave is at capac...

 Relationships are like waves in the ocean. Sometimes they break, hit the shore, swell then create massive damage, crash into each other and become one, break in two and then rejoin again. We are intricate creatures of our own creative design. Designed by our own free will and choices. These choices are pieces of the puzzle. These pieces build us and then allow us to be on the path that is set before us. These puzzles pieces are not just choices but include their outcomes as well. Constructing and molding those little pieces we are then shaped into who we become. Every choice and outcome manifests perspective. As we are assembling ourselves, we inevitably impact others. In order to have the most fruitful outcome for all involved, we have to have the proper foundation for interactions with self and others. Remaining oblivious to the imperative groundwork we can become wavering. Being incognizant of true self or discovering how to begin that quest can interfere with others due t...

How do you see the path of which is meant for you? How do you choose to keep your purpose within the proper perspective? How do you know what a proper perspective is? Are these things shaped by your life experiences or what you have been taught by family or are they innate? When do you set yourself upon this path? Life gives us millions of questions that we are charged with discovering. Many we never answer but spend a lifetime looking for. Some answers come in the form of more questions. During all these moments of discovery those of us who are truly pulled towards something greater than we are making a conscious decision. We choose to explore deep introspective internal dialogue. Without careful attention, these conversations with self can be tainted by our visions of pain, fear, sadness or lack of love. These visions are created by an unchecked mind. Our minds can help us do mundane tasks but can, and often do, interfere with our most important moments of self-discovery. However, ...

Choices. I've made many. Regretted most. Falling too deep and allowing too much. Allowing, painful experiences to over rule my opportunity to be vulnerable. Then because of that, I block myself off due to feeling like I am bracing for an disastrous impact. I liken it to the experience of when a plane suddenly begins spiraling and plummeting towards the ever closer ground. Descending, falling from the sky. A desperate warning forgotten within chaos. Fully encompassed with the terror of the inevitable coming to the worst most unimaginable end. Yet and still I put childish things aside when I became a woman. The pain of losing everything you've wanted and worked for is full of despair. Being here is what I came for? No, this isn't what I signed up for, not heartbreaking with a side of gut wrenching failure. However, this is what I've asked for. I guess setting myself up for utter collapse is something I've always been good at. Recovering is something I've nev...

The land of dreary where nothingness looms. The trees sag, arc and bend bound for the ground. Sound seems muffled, stale deeply tainted forevermore. There is no wafting fragrant effulgence. The grass just isn't quite green. All the stones carry the burdens marked by sadness. Flowers here are watered with tears. The paths are worn by heavy-hearted feet. Birds don't sing happy songs here if they sing at all. Their ballads sound of forlorn days demised. Distant fathomless clouds swell and fill. Then dump their contents on faces who aren't content. Although, we dress to impress here there is no one to delight. Countless unimpressed faces, some full of fright. Once the day falls into shadows and the night creeps upon this place; many of the faces disappear then stillness fills the space. No whispers of voices tender and sweet. There are no moments of boundless embrace. No feelings are burgeoning with grace. Days and nights cycle through again and again. Yet and still, one thing...