Life is just like fruit.

         Supine in a grave of my design. Earth slowly covers me. Suffocation imminent. Willing myself to hold on and get up. Moving is impossible. Did I place myself here? Allowing this to be my eternal grave of perdition. Starting this was a place to hide, to run away from everything. Nothing could reach me. Especially not myself. Numbness only resides here. A bottomless void fades into an entirety. Not remembering when I stopped finding the line where numbness should end then self should begin. No savior can deliver me from the wasteland I have become. No rescue. No safety net. Everything around me became infectious then I became breathless. Feeling death encroaching welcoming it more over time. The arrival of the end, asphyxiation in all its fruition. A secret hidden place that slowly drifted into a disease. Pestilence sliding everything I've known into obliteration. Giving me no heartbeat. Termination. A grave dug by only me. This grave is at capac...

Choices. I've made many. Regretted most. Falling too deep and allowing too much. Allowing, painful experiences to over rule my opportunity to be vulnerable. Then because of that, I block myself off due to feeling like I am bracing for an disastrous impact. I liken it to the experience of when a plane suddenly begins spiraling and plummeting towards the ever closer ground. Descending, falling from the sky. A desperate warning forgotten within chaos. Fully encompassed with the terror of the inevitable coming to the worst most unimaginable end. Yet and still I put childish things aside when I became a woman. The pain of losing everything you've wanted and worked for is full of despair. Being here is what I came for? No, this isn't what I signed up for, not heartbreaking with a side of gut wrenching failure. However, this is what I've asked for. I guess setting myself up for utter collapse is something I've always been good at. Recovering is something I've nev...

The land of dreary where nothingness looms. The trees sag, arc and bend bound for the ground. Sound seems muffled, stale deeply tainted forevermore. There is no wafting fragrant effulgence. The grass just isn't quite green. All the stones carry the burdens marked by sadness. Flowers here are watered with tears. The paths are worn by heavy-hearted feet. Birds don't sing happy songs here if they sing at all. Their ballads sound of forlorn days demised. Distant fathomless clouds swell and fill. Then dump their contents on faces who aren't content. Although, we dress to impress here there is no one to delight. Countless unimpressed faces, some full of fright. Once the day falls into shadows and the night creeps upon this place; many of the faces disappear then stillness fills the space. No whispers of voices tender and sweet. There are no moments of boundless embrace. No feelings are burgeoning with grace. Days and nights cycle through again and again. Yet and still, one thing...

                 You never escape destiny. You cannot out run the path that is yours alone to take. Life has a funny way of meeting you with all the twists and turns that you are supposed to encounter. Regardless if you plan accordingly or not. You try to take a short cut and all it does is smack you harder to drive the lesson home. If you don’t learn the lesson correctly the first go around then you inevitably have to learn it all over again until the proper outcome is achieved. Learning is the ultimate achievement in every aspect of our lives on this planet. The best teacher I've yet to encounter has been pain. This life has given me more than a fair share of those lessons. It’s almost like riding a horse. With no knowledge of the nature of the beast, your ass will end up on the ground. You have to find the motivation to climb back on until you and that horse find your connection. You and life must find a sweet spot of acceptance and g...