Life is just like fruit.

Gonna stop breathin.........Sickin, to my depth within.......All the damn constant beggin.......Always askin.......Buggin......Raggin me ........Under my skin, gettin me........Deep crawlin inside me.........Cause its only them tryin.....To keep me cryin.......Just to keep them fly ......highin.......Constantly wantin......Materialistic bullshit somethin.......I am straight strugglin.....Financially jugglin......My poor heartstrings they keep yankin, pullin.....They just cant keep it coolin......Thinkin i'm straight foolin.....These kids are trippin......My damn Moms is flippin.......Ain't no still waters, they still runnin.......Like I'm expected to........I keep fallin.......Never felt less than......I do now......I'm never losin my coolin.....I did that before ......it did nothin but run my ship ashore ........Yet they still wantin more......The bar was set far too high......I did NOT set that shit, did I?.....It's a massive hole......I keep stallin.....backwards...

Choices. I've made many. Regretted most. Falling too deep and allowing too much. Allowing, painful experiences to over rule my opportunity to be vulnerable. Then because of that, I block myself off due to feeling like I am bracing for an disastrous impact. I liken it to the experience of when a plane suddenly begins spiraling and plummeting towards the ever closer ground. Descending, falling from the sky. A desperate warning forgotten within chaos. Fully encompassed with the terror of the inevitable coming to the worst most unimaginable end. Yet and still I put childish things aside when I became a woman. The pain of losing everything you've wanted and worked for is full of despair. Being here is what I came for? No, this isn't what I signed up for, not heartbreaking with a side of gut wrenching failure. However, this is what I've asked for. I guess setting myself up for utter collapse is something I've always been good at. Recovering is something I've nev...